Q&A Leopard changing his spots

Kat,

Can a leopard change its spots?  I am a 40 year old bachelor who has been single for 12 years.  I have been a very appreciated lover and charming companion to countless women over my tenure.  I have grown bored of being a player and seek a higher level of enjoyment.  Young coed conquest, exotic playmates, sex crazed MILFs, swinger parties and dangerous liaisons with married sluts just doesn't do anything anymore.  I love the pursuit, but I am often disappointed once I get the honey.  Can a sexual deviant settle down with just one woman?  Can I go lagit and still keep my passions alive?  What kind of woman do I need and should I be honest with her about my raunchy past?  I just want to love and adore a woman, like I once did, without the fear of rejection.  I am a good and trustworthy man with a really healthy appetite for pleasure.  Is there a woman for me who will love me in spite of my past?  

Don Juan d'ChicagoCan

Don Juan d'ChicagoCan,

Two things you say stand out to me: 1) You're disappointed once you get the honey; 2) You want to love and adore a woman without the fear of rejection.  The first would lead me to tell you something every mother has every told her potentially equally appreciative daughter... Wait to get to know one another.  My mother said it like this, "Your generation takes the honeymoon before the marriage and you're all messed up because of it."  There's a lot of truth in the words of an old woman.  If you truly want the honey worth a mountain of gold, make a real effort to get to know the Queen Bee before you delve into the honey like a silly big bear waiting to be stung.  In rushing into the honey, there are two ways you'll be disappointed.  1) You fall for the promise of the most fabulous honey and you discover your hive is just plain ordinary for your palate. 2) You actually have a spectacular hive, but you ruin it by jumping into the honey part too soon, missing all else which comprises the real worth of it's sweetness.  Either way, if you don't want disappointment, don't become consumed by the honey until you know what type of stinger is protective of her honey.  

To your second statement, I would say... this is about genuinely understanding yourself. And owning what is yours... confidently.  Your past has made you who you are.  If you're not confident in who you are, no woman can do her voodoo here.  This is up to you to make yourself whole... without the fear of rejecting yourself.  I have found a partner's "rejection" can often be a wonderfully honest piece of information for both parties involved.  If it's not a right connection... better to know sooner than later.  My suggestion is to be true to your sense of life, love, and exploration, and be open to those who equal you here.  If you hide behind your hurt,f for fear of rejection, you're only denying yourself.  

Thus, my answer to your overall question... yes, yes, YES.  Embrace who you were, who you are, and what you want.  Stand tall on that, enjoy the time before getting lost in the honey, and the truth will be very clear to you.  

As to what type of woman you need... your equal.  If you're not afraid of that... she'll be much more evident than you think.  But, it sounds to me you have to decide just how many spots you want these days, before choosing another.